Dis-engaged (2017)

A day after our 2nd anniversary my partner asked for a break, months later my contract at a company in Charleston wasn’t renewed (it was the job that kept us long-distance). I felt like I lost community, love, and career direction all at once—so I decided to make a series of self-portraits parodying the engagement photos all too common on my newsfeed.

While setting up props for these photos, people joyfully asked to take pictures with the “Why is this happening?” banner and a park employee relayed their experience with lost love and how things will get better.

The break-up took about a year to come to fruition. Looking back, this project was a cathartic turning point in my processing a lot of emotional trauma. I had to move past co-dependency and unlearn a lifetime of self-hate.

The friend I collaborated with on this project connected me to his community, and I would later join a roller derby team, new connections helping me move away from the people and places related to my former partner.

In the end things turned out for the best: I’ve mended the way I speak to myself, improved the way I communicate with others, and there’s a layer of resilience protecting the softness that very bad year nearly killed in me.

I look back on myself at 24 with compassion for how little confidence I had: proud of the progress we’ve made since then, thankful for the people who supported me in that terrible and awkward interim.